Monday, November 7, 2011

Can I Save This Marriage?

Even though my children were grown when my first marriage broke up, the divorce was also the break up of our family unit.

I am very happy with the life I now share with Ross.
My marriage to him is quite different than my first marriage.  Simply, the reason it works is that we communicate.

Looking back at my first marriage and divorce, my ex-husband and I agree that if there is a regret,  it is that neither of us made the effort to try to work on keeping our marriage and family together.   And we both agree that is so sad.

I remember how my mother cried when I told her that I was separating from my husband of 27 years.

I remember her saying, "No, Lynda, not you!"  
"I just can't believe it," she said.

At the time I was upset with my mother because I felt that she was not being very supportive.  I asked her why she couldn't understand that I needed to figure out who I was and what I really wanted.  And I didn't understand why she was so upset.

Now 15 years later, when my son called to tell me that his marriage was in trouble, I finally understood how my mother felt.
Sadly, my mom passed away 2 years ago.   I wish I could let her know that I get it now.
I know how her heart ached for me because that is how my heart is aching for my son, his wife and their two children.

There are so many things that I want my son and daughter-in-law to know.  There is so much that going through a divorce has taught me.

I want to sit them down and explain the value of working on a marriage and keeping a family together.

And even though they might not understand why I am so upset, I  have hope that in some small way,  I can get through to them.   Because I would regret it if I didn't try.


  1. My mother always said that she may not have always like my father but she never stopped loving him and that is what got them through and she learned it from her parents.  My grandparents were together for 50 years and my mom was with my day for 15 before he died.  I hope your son can work it out. 

    New follower from NaBloPoMo.

  2. I hope they can figure it out, or even that they take your advice and at least try their hardest

  3. You can try, but ultimately it is their decision on what to do and I hope that you won't be too upset if their decision is not one you agree with. Just as you made your decision and your mother was upset...