Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Story of My Breakup with Myhero OR To Respond or Not To Respond That is the Question

I have been blogging for less than a year.

Before I wrote my first post though, as I am sure many new bloggers do, I decided to check out other blogs.

Right off the bat, and I have a feeling this has also happened to most new bloggers, I found a blogger who seemed to speak directly to me.  (From now on, in order to protect the innocent, I shall refer to this blogger as "Myhero" or maybe at times, just plain "M".)

Myhero's writing style was unique, the posts were relatable and M was an excellent writer.
M tapped into my imagination.  When I would read M's descriptions of wilderness walks,  I felt the warmth or coolness of the day, I caught scent of the wild lilacs, was thrilled by sightings of a rare bird and experienced the peace and quite of being among nature. It was as though I was walking right along with M.

Through Myhero's writings I began to learn more and more about the life of this blogger.  I was quite impressed with the accomplishments of this person.  In fact, Myhero and I might have developed a friendship in the real world.

Needless to say I became one of Myhero's many followers.

Occasionally,  and as you see I stressed the word occasionally, I would leave a comment on one of M's posts.

One of the nice things about Myhero was that each and every comment was acknowledged with a thoughtful response.

In March of this year I wrote my first post.  I have been posting regularly since then.

One day Myhero casually mentioned something in a post regarding a personality trait.  One which Myhero was not very proud of and was often teased about.

I couldn't believe it.  Myhero and I shared this very same personality trait.  In fact,  just days before I had written a whole post about this very same thing.  This trait is not a serious affliction,  but can be annoying at times.

I thought, wow, another thing that Myhero and I have in common.

I just had to let Myhero know about this common bond.

So I left a comment with a link to my post which contained information about this trait.

I thoughtfully, thought that M would appreciate the information that I had found out and might even get a chuckle out of it.

But, I received no acknowledgment to my comment.

How strange I thought.

Myhero had acknowledged every other person's comment on this particular post, but glaringly ignored my comment.

Figuring that M might have just missed my comment I waited a few days and checked back.  Still no response.

I was very hurt.  Did I do something to offend M?

I had always been very complimentary and polite with all of my previous comments.   I only commented when I felt that I had something positive to contribute.

The only thing I could think of was that leaving a link to my post was a violation of some unwritten
Blogging rule which apparently was unbeknownst to me.

So acting out in a purely emotional, perfectly irrational, and I admit pretty immature way, I took my name off of M's follower's list.

The next day, I decided to checked back one more time and found that my comment and link to my post had been deleted from the comment section of Myhero's post.

This incident happened just a couple of months after I started blogging myself.  At the time, I was a newborn and my posts and writing were in their infancy stages.   And apparently so was my knowledge of Blogging Etiquette.

Since that incident I have not read any of Myhero's posts.

I think I have sufficiently matured now, though.   After all I am almost one year old in my blogging experience.

 I  guess that enough time has passed to ease the pain of my break up with M.
Perhaps I will give Myhero another chance.

Now I don't know if these are official Blogging Etiquette rules, but the rule about not putting a link to your personal blog in the comment section of another person's blog made this list.

I write my blog to process my thoughts.  I write to examine my feelings.  I write because it is a coping mechanism for me.

Along the way it seems that others are interested in what I have to say.   I must shyly admit that it feels good to be recognized.  Comments encourage me to keep on writing.

I still haven't figured out whether it is proper etiquette to acknowledge each and every comment, but I do look forward to them and appreciate each and every one.

And I guess I should recall how it felt when Myhero ignored one of my comments.


  1. I read the linked ettiquette post provided. I agree with *most* of what was suggested; however, the link thing amazes me. I personally don't mind links in comments provided they are relevant. Sometimes I even ask for them! The problem I have is that Disqus will add those to a moderation list so I have to remember to go out and approve them. That part is frustrating.
    I do try to respond to every comment on my posts too. I just think it is the friendly thing to do so the people commenting know there is a real person that doesn't just throw something up and never return. :)

  2. Thanks for posting the etiquette link - it was very interesting!  I don't think I'd mind someone posting a link if it was relevant to what I was talking about...  I guess everyone is different though in their thoughts as to what is "offensive" to them.  I haven't had the time to blog as often as I'd like so maybe that's why I'm not as picky?  I love comments of the positive sort!!

  3. Well, I have been posting since July, but only "blogging" since this month.  I know nothing [as they all silently agreed]. Your post is intriguing to me,  because everyone I have encountered so far is really nice, and I am learning more each day.  I am having a lot of fun.

  4. I don't always reply to each comment, I will start and see what happens. I have commented back if a question was asked or if my comment might add to the topic of that blog post. And I do sometimes give the link back to my blog if it pertains in some way to the topic of the blogger's post. I am not offended if someone does this on my blog, I do however object to self promotion and requests for visits in order to purchase something or vote for someone's projects, unless I think they are worthy of my vote.
    BTW, your voice, your topics and your descriptions are enlightening and entertaining. The posts of late have brought me to tears and your family is on my mind; prayers are said for peace and for relief in your loss. hugs, e

  5. This was a thought provoking post , Lynda and one that will prompt a lengthier response later.  For now, enough to say that I appreciated your link to the blog etiquette - I take the whole blog thing lightly but would not want to offend anyone.  I, frankly, would always be interested if a blogging friend of mine wanted to link me to something previously written by that person.  Why not?  If I enjoy the friendship, why would I not want to know about something that had been posted prior to our friendship beginning?  Thanks for your insights --

  6. I don't reply to every comment, but I will reply to those that ask me a direct question. I try to check out the blogs of people that leave me comments though. And I love it when people leave me relevant link on the comments, it really interests me.

  7. I like what you said about "taking the whole blog thing lightly."   It made me smile and gave me a little reality check. 

  8. Thank you, Erin for your kind words and thoughts.  They are much appreciated.

  9. That's it.  I agree.  That's the way it should be...having fun with it.  And I also agree that this blogging community is filled with a lot of nice people.

  10. I guess some folks might view another blogger's link as promotional or something.  But as some of the previous commenters mentioned, it might be better to lighten up a little and have fun with blogging.  

  11. Yup - blogging is definitely about fun - if you don't enjoy it, then it becomes a chore.... and blogging should be anything but :)

  12. I have hesitated before leaving a link (either to my post or anything else) in someone else's comments, but I have often gone ahead and done it. In addition to the writing practice and therapeutic nature of posting itself, connecting with other people is a significant fringe benefit of blogging for me. I hope not to offend anyone or break some unwritten rule, but on the other hand, the types of people who would be offended by a sincere effort to connect aren't the ones we're likely to make a connection with in any case.

    On my own blog, I don't have any of the add-ons that allow responding to individual comments, but will generally respond to one in a new comment if I feel there is more to be said. Acknowledging every one, every time is difficult, though. I try to return the favor of comments by visiting and commenting as much as I possibly can with all my other time constraints.

    I guess the bottom line to me is that since what may please one blogger could tick off the next, you're better off just letting your own common sense guide you and focusing on interactions that are pleasing to you. ;)