Saturday, November 2, 2013

I Wonder - Wonder I do

November 2, 2013

I have decided to participate in the National Blog Post Month.  This means that I will be writing each day of November.

My siblings and I are struggling with difficult end of life choices for our brother.
Since I am well past mid life, I understand that I have lived more years than I have left to live.  Because of my brother’s situation, I have been wondering how I might want the end days of my life to be.

It’s a topic that Ross and I kind of skate around.  I can honestly say that I don’t know what his wishes are regarding extreme medical treatments, should the situation arise.

I am sure that since I don’t know what my own wishes are, obviously Ross wouldn’t know either.

My sister, an attorney, sent us a questionnaire a year ago so that she could make a will for us.  It is sitting on my desk.  I just can’t seem to pick it up and read it.  I wonder why I keep putting it off.

Ross and I live on his retired teacher’s pension.   He jokingly says that I should keep him alive no matter what because if he goes so does his pension.  I wonder if he really means that.

I have heard it time and time again.  Most people say that they don’t want to be kept alive by machines.  They wouldn’t want to exist in a vegetative state.   They don’t want to be in pain.   I wonder how they know that.

I wonder if it’s true that even if a person is unresponsive and in a coma like state, their hearing is the last to go.  That’s what the hospice doctor and nurse told me when my mother and my son were days from their last breath.   They said we should continue to talk to them because they were able to hear us.

I wonder how they know that.  

On Thursday, a doctor told me death is part of life.   I wonder why he would think that would be comforting for me to hear.

A few days before my mother passed away, I made her promise to somehow let me know what happens afterwards.

Unless I am ignoring the signs I have not heard from her yet.

I disagree with that doctor who said that death is part of life.

Death is life’s question mark.


  1. Death and final wishes are never easy to talk about. But you should talk about it so your children do not have to think about it when the time comes. Make your wishes known so they can follow through with them. I can say that I am relieved that I had both my grandmother's and mother's arrangements made before they even passed. It was not easy to do but, go glad I did it. I do believe the sense of hearing is the last to go when you are dying. I can swear my grandmother and mother could both hear me when they were taking their final breaths as I sat by their side talking to them letting them know it was Ok to let go. Not easy to do, but giving permission makes it easier for them (I think).

    1. I completely understand what you are suggesting. I know how difficult it has been for us to possibly have to make those decisions for my brother. I guess the hard part for me is trying to understand what my wishes are or would be.

  2. Perhaps you're not ignoring the signs. Perhaps you don't recognize the signs. Or, perhaps you're not ready to see the signs yet.

    1. You know, Liz, you may be right. I think I might have to pay a little more attention.