Monday, October 24, 2011

Y Oh Why?

Today is Monday.
That means it is ABC meme day.
It is week number 25
The letter is Y

Yesterday,  my mother took me to kindergarten orientation. It was held in the school auditorium.  The auditorium was filled with students from grades K-6.  After the announcements of the day, the principal asked that all of the new kindergarteners come up on stage.
 I didn't want to go.
My mother tried coaxing me, "Look everyone else is going up.  Come on now, be a big girl."
I never did go up on that stage. I watched from the safety of my seat as each of the other new kindergartners  went up, faced the audience, and said their name.

Yesterday,  it was January and we had just moved.  I was the new kid in the school.  By the end of the year, my claim to fame was getting an award for reading the most books.  Besides climbing trees and playing kickball in the street, reading was one of my favorite things to do.

Yesterday,   I was going to my first school dance.  Well the first dance that I had a "date" to.  We didn't actually go together, but he asked if he could "take" me to the dance.  I guess that meant that we would dance every dance together.  And we did.  He was very cute.

Yesterday,  I was discovering a new love and discarding an old one.

Yesterday I was engaged to be married.  My parents were happy for me...that is until I told them that we were not going to be married in "their" church.  They didn't speak to me during for most of the time that I was planning my wedding.
About a month before the wedding, my parents gave in.  My mom gave me a bridal shower and my dad walked me down the aisle.

Yesterday,  I held a newborn baby girl in my arms.
I'll never forget that feeling.  I was mesmerized by her beauty.

I experienced that same feeling two more times with my two sons, and each time it was as wonderful as the first.

Yesterday, my dad died of cancer.

Yesterday,   I looked around at the empty apartment, the apartment that I would soon move into.  It was the first time in my life that I would live entirely by myself.

Yesterday, we were in an old dance studio in NYC.  Sultry music was playing on the boom box.  I was in the arms of Carlos as he taught me the basic steps of the Argentine Tango.  Then I watched as Ross practiced his ochos (*) with Carlos.

I remember each of the yesterdays of each of my children's wedding days.

Yesterday, on a beautiful sunny day at the beach in Cape May NJ was my wedding day.

I remember each and every one of the yesterdays that each of my five grandchildren were born.

Yesterday, my mom died of cancer.

Yesterday, my son was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer.

And that's when time seemed to stop. And even though I know the better thing to do is stay in the present, that yesterday is where I seem to spend most of my time;  asking over and over again WHY?

*Ocho — Eight (pl. ochos); Figure eights: A crossing and pivoting figure from which the fan in American tango is derived.  Executed as a walking step with flexed knees and feet together while pivoting, ochos may be danced either forward or backward and are so designated from the lady’s perspective.  El Ocho is considered to be one of the oldest steps in tango along with caminada, the walking steps.  It dates from the era when women wore floor length skirts with full petticoats and danced on dirt floors.  Since the lady’s footwork could not be directly observed the quality of her dancing was judged by the figure she left behind in the dirt after she danced away.


  1. I don't know what to say, but I couldn't not comment. Beautifully written post, I love what you did with it, but the ending just knocked the wind out of me. I'm so sorry.

  2. As always, very poignant reflection. Keeping your son in prayer as well as your entire family.

  3. Such beautiful writing. 

  4. A beautiful and profound post. Aa s always, you are in my thought.

  5. Thank you.  Your support means a lot to me.

  6. Thank you, Natalie.

  7. You write so well, I can really feel your heart in what you say.  Very heartfelt and my prayers are with you.