Friday, October 21, 2011

Sorry Mother, But You Are No Longer On The List

The following is a phone conversation I had with my son's doctor's nurse today.

Me:  "I am very concerned about my son's condition and would like to speak with Dr. P. I have several questions that I would like to ask him."
Nurse:  "Does your son know that you have contacted us?"
Me:  "Well, no,  I thought I could have a confidential conversation with his doctor."
Nurse: "I am sorry.  I really cannot speak to you without your son's permission."
Me:  "I spent an entire day and night with him yesterday.  I am very worried because he is not eating. He also seems very weak."
Nurse: "I know you are his mother, and  I understand you are upset.  However, you are not listed on the paperwork he filled out  Only his wife is listed.  She is the only one we can reveal information about him to."
Nurse:  "You wouldn't believe the amount of phone calls I get from people asking about the condition of a family member."  Boy, I can tell you some horror stories about the drama that takes place when there are conflicts within the family.  You know, especially if there are wills or life insurance involved. "

I didn't quite know how our conversation went from me expressing concern over my son's condition to Nurse, "revealing" the seedier side of family members and their not so honorable motives.

Of course, my primary and only motive is that I want my son to get the optimal attention and care that he needs.

So, after I finished my not so productive conversation with Nurse, I called my daughter-in-law.  I explained my concerns to her.  As it turns out, she has a lot of the same concerns as I do.
I sent her an e-mail with an attached list of my questions.  She said she would check with my son and if he agreed, she would pass along the questions to Dr. P.

It doesn't matter if "mother" is no longer listed as the one to contact on the permission slips.
Even if chronologically, they should not be referred to as children,  a mother never stops caring, worrying, loving and, well, wanting to mother her children.


  1. Sending love, and I hope you get your questions answered soon.

  2. I have always said that it is way harder to be a parent of adults than it is young children.  You are so not in control anymore.  Not that we ever were really in control, but you know what I mean.  I don't like it.  But there is nothing I can do about it.  I continue to think of you and wish for you the strength you need.