Monday, June 16, 2014

Brain Yoga

 My mind and spirit are in need of brain yoga.  I promised myself that Today I am going to write a post.
Some of it will be filled with hum drum.  Okay probably most of it will be that.  But I know that when I begin to meander and wander down the pathways of my mind, recalling what my week was like, my thoughts will most likely reveal feelings which I have been relegating to my inner sanctum.


Yesterday, Father’s Day.
 My own father passed away over 20+ years ago.  He was quite a character and I could write reams about him.  He may not have been the perfect father, but I know he loved me, the only way he knew how.
My son and my son-in-law are great dads.
I was a little upset for my son, whose boys were not with him yesterday.  But they will be coming in a few days to spend part of the summer with him.   We are all excited and are looking forward to their visit.
Ross was thrilled when he received a text from Bella wishing him a “Happy Father’s Day, Pop-Pop.”
I know how much that meant to him.

I mostly now hold my grief over the loss of Joe close and deep in my heart.  I don’t write about it as much.  I am quiet.   It is always with me though.
I struggle a little more with my emotions on each one of the special days that are traditionally celebrated during the year.
This yesterday’s Father’s day I was filled with anger because my grandson did not have his dad.     From the moment of Domani’s birth, Joe was instantly a father.  He loved that boy so much.   I am sad that I only had a brief time to see my son with his son.  He was so proud of his little guy.
I still have difficulty with acceptance.   I am confused and filled with disbelief.  I shake my head back and forth in a silent gesture of no, no, no.

Sometimes it is so hard to reconcile the joy I feel for my other children and grandchildren with my melancholy.

Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends posted that someone asked him why he hated Father’s day so much.  Only a person who has never suffered the loss of a child would be insensitive enough to ask that question.

So today’s post wasn’t so hum drum or newsy but I did stretch my soul.
 
Sun Salutation
Tomorrow I’ll tell the story of Chippy and the hundred and fifty dollar bird feeder.



10 comments:

  1. I look forward to the story of Chippy. Father's Day makes me sad, sadder when I was younger, in that my father died when I was 18 months old (my brother 3, my sister 5). Mom raised the 3 of us alone; never got remarried. I haven't experienced the loss of a child and I am sorry for you loss; I know it has to be hard to see your grandson missing his dad.

    betty

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    1. Oh my Betty, it must have been difficult for your mother and for you and your siblings. I often wonder what effect that might have on a child. Thank you for your supportive words.

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  2. Well there you go--start with a thought and one thing leads to another. There was a lot I could relate here. My own father died about 24 years ago. My kids were all far away from me, but at least they all called me to wish me a Happy Father's Day. Fatherhood is a gift and a responsibility that should never be taken lightly.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Lee, I should do more of thoughtful writing. It does spawn ideas. I agree having children is a wonderful gift. It was nice that the kids called you. I’m sure you loved hearing from them.

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  3. Lynda,

    To be perfectly honest, I almost didn't press that follow button a couple of months ago...because we have a name that we share. I'm really glad I did.

    Susie

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    1. Well, Susie, you have become one of my favorite bloggers.

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  4. Certain days can be triggers, can't they?

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  5. Your pain is palpable. I am sorry for your loss and for the sadness that stays with you. I can imagine that Father's Day and other significant days are especially hard, but I know that it doesn't have to be a significant day for you to feel the sadness. I know it is always there. Saying a prayer for you, my friend.

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    1. Thank you for your understanding words. On Father’s day, I read something on Facebook written by a friend of Joe’s. It was a tidbit of information that I didn’t know about Joe. It made me smile. That’s what I hope to be able to do more of.

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