Monday, April 9, 2012

H: To Have and To Hold an Hour Away

This month I am participating in the April 2012 Blogging From A-Z Challenge. I will be blogging every day this month with Sundays off (except for April 1) using a letter of the alphabet in order from A through Z. So, Basically, beginning with April 1, my topic will be themed on something with the letterA, then on April second another topic with the letter B as the theme, and so on until I finish on April thirtieth with the theme based on the letter Z.

H: To Have and To Hold an Hour Away

     Part of the marriage vows, right?  The first time I made that promise, at barely 22 years old, my goal was to be able to parrot the phrases of the vows back correctly and in the right order.   I remember being very nervous.  I am sure I was not thinking about the solemnity of the vows, but rather making sure I did not mess up my "lines" in front of a large crowd of people.
     The next time I made that same promise, nearly eleven years ago,  I was considerably older, over twice the age I was the first time.  I again remember being nervous.   This time it was not because I was afraid of messing up my lines.    Rather, as I parroted the words back with the awareness that it was the second time for me and the third for him, they may have been said with just a touch of cynicism
     At the moment a woman gives birth, or makes the choice to mother, there are no lines to memorize.  As soon as that child is placed in its mother's arms, there is a heart achingly solemn promise made by the mother to the child to "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
    While the promise may not be kept in a marriage, there is no doubt that most mothers will honor the promises she makes to her children.
     In my heart, I made that promise to each of my children.
    As they became adults I  realized that I would not be able to "have and hold" them forever.  They found others to "have and to hold" and then they had their own children to "have and to hold".
   I am feeling the loss of not being able to "have and to hold" my son because "death did us part."
   I am aching for my youngest as he suffers the loss of the ones he promised to  "have and to hold."
   And I am feeling the loneliness of settling into an empty nest at the beach an hour away.

I have created a page for Anna's Diary.  It can be found under the Tab titled Anna's Diary.
I have posted all of the entries to date there, starting with January 1, 1929.

Here is today's entry from Anna's diary:
Tues. April 9 1929
Home, cleaned dresses in Hy-test gasoline.  Rosalie came from school.  After supper drove Mr. & Mrs. Louis I. to Montclair to Fiores with Mrs. Nap.  Then to Belleville Club.

[I did a little googling and apparently it was a common practice to use gasoline as sort of a "dry cleaning" method.  Not very safe, though or sweet smelling, I would imagine.]

To see more A-Z posts click here.


  1. Thinking of you as always Lynda. Wishing there were magic words to make things better, but also knowing that the pain is a symptom of the depth of your connections to your children.

  2. Hard times, sad times - and so much a part of being alive.  I am sorry the days have been so tough.

  3. People can come up with such amazing ingenuity! New follower here. I’m enjoying reading my fellow “A to Z”ers. I look forward to visiting again.

  4. Beautifully written as always. I feel for you very much.

  5. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I can only imagine the devastation of losing a child.

  6. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your son. How horrible.  My thoughts and prays are with you.


  7. Thank you Kathy.  

  8. Thank you for your kind words.  They are much appreciated.

  9. Thank you for stopping by.  

  10. Thank you for your support.  I like the way you described the pain.  It made me think about it in a more positive way, actually.