Thursday, August 25, 2011

Reading His Face

After I heard the news yesterday about the not as positive as they have been CT scan results, I was overcome with emotion.   It is my nature to push my feelings down as far as they will go and hold back the tears for as long as I possibly can.

From the time he was a little boy, Joe has been a quiet person.   His feelings are communicated, quite loudly, through facial expressions.   I have learned to read his face.

I know when he is happy because his eyes light up and he allows a small smile.   When he is angry, his lips tighten together.   When he is disappointed his face becomes very still.

Even though I have only recently learned his frightened face,  I have a clear picture of him sitting on the exam table as he listened to the Doctor explain to him  that the existing tumors have grown and that there are two new growths on his lung.

I have a clear picture of him after the Doctor left the exam room as Joe fought hard to push the feelings down as far as they would go and hold back his tears for as long as he possibly could.

When I spoke with him later, I fumbled with words.  The standard motherly comforting words of "Don't worry, it's going to be okay" somehow just don't seem to fit.  

Because I think it might make him feel uncomfortable,  I haven't shared my blog with Joe.

  But this is what I want him to know.

 Joe, my dear son,
 I am so sorry that you have to fight for every moment of your life.  I am so grateful that you and Anne found each other again.   I am so happy that you have gotten to experience the joy of having a son.   I am so sad that your time with him might not be as long as it should be.  I am so angry about the unfairness that this has happened to such a gentle soul.
 I love you more than words can say.    
Your strength is my inspiration to stay strong so that I can be there for you every step of the way.  
Loving you always and forever,

Anne and Joe have a special and dear friend.  Her name is Christon Stephanie Halkiotis.  She is running  in the 2011 ING New York City Marathon on Nov. 6.  Her goal is to raise $3500 in the fight against cancer and she is running for Joe.

Click here  to read more about her story and support her if you can.


  1. I can not imagine how you deal with this.  Nothing but love and hugs too you.  And prayers for your son and his family

  2. Gina, Thank you for your thoughts, love and hugs  They are much needed and greatly appreciated. 

  3. I am so sorry to hear this. Please know I will keep Joe in my prayers for healing and courage to face the coming challenge. I'll pray for you too to have the strength to support your son in his battle.

  4. Thank you so much!

  5. I too am very sorry that your family is going through this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you as well.  Keep fighting for him.

  6. Thank you, Sharon.  

  7. As a mother I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, or what Joe is going through.  What a beautiful and loving post.

    I'm wishing for strength and health for Joe and the rest of your family. And for a really good medical team.

  8. Thank you, Dawne, for your good thoughts.  

  9. Lynda,
    I am so sorry for your loss of Joe, and understand the sadness today and the football game brings. I lost a 19 year old son, almost 10 years ago in a car accident. It was so quick and sudden. I can't imagine wathing your child go thru the agony of illness and suffering and being so helpless.
    I've just started blogging this month. Not doing very well yet.
    I also started crocheting tonight during the football game. Not doing very well there either.
    Then started reading blogs. You are the first one I've contacted.
    I plan on writing about my son on my blog.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Just breathe, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  10. Holly,
    I am sorry for your loss. You do understand the sadness. Writing has helped me very much. I am sure it will do the same for you. Thank you for your kind words.
    I am going to visit you on your blog.