Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A-Z Challenge N is for Maybe Another Time

It’s time to participate in the April A-Z Blog Challenge.  I will be blogging every day in April, with Sunday’s off. 
The topic for each day will begin with the designated letter of the alphabet.
This Wednesday’s letter is N.

You’ve been in this situation, I know you have.  

I recently joined a group of knitters who meet once a week on Wednesday afternoons at the club house in my community. 
The Yarn Wenches have been getting together for the last 10 years.   I had been thinking about joining this group but, I hesitated for a couple reasons.  First,  I am normally not a joiner.   Second, I wasn’t sure that it would be easy for a newbie to fit into an established circle of friends.  I hoped that having a love of knitting as a common interest would make my endeavor to join a good choice.
I went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago.   I was warmly welcomed by everyone.  
One woman in particular decided to take me under her wing.   She actually greeted me with a hug.  
Until I get to know someone and build a trust with that person, I am protective of my personal space.   
That’s why I was little put off by the hug.  But I enjoyed the time I spent with the ladies and by the end of our session, I was already looking forward to the next meeting. 
As we were gathering our projects together and packing up, the hugger grabbed my arm and asked me if would like to stop by her house for a cup of tea. 
I had no plans for the rest of the afternoon, but I was a little leery of beginning a relationship with this woman. 
She caught me off guard.  I didn’t  think quickly enough to come up with an excuse.  Besides, I am too honest and would not be comfortable fibbing. 
We had a nice visit.  She suggested that we exchange phone numbers.  She walked me to my car and wanted to know if I would like to go to the mall with her on Friday. 
This time I was ready with an “Let me get back to you.”
About 20 years ago I attended an “Assertiveness Training” course.   One of the things I learned in the class was that it is okay to say things like “Let me think about it,”  or “I’m not sure right now.”
Those phrases are really a way to say No without having to say No. 

How do you say No?

Why not check out some of the other 2033 participants in the April 2014 A-Z Blog Challenge.

17 comments:

  1. Good for you for going to the knitting group; I think I'd be a little leery too with the lady and her friendship; I'm one to slowly warm up to things and people so I would have felt uncomfortable with her forthrightness trying to be "your best friend for life."

    I'm really good at saying "no" to telemarketers and those (except children) that come to the door selling things. I struggle with saying "no" to things asked for me to do at church even though I might be stressed and stretched, but can pretty much say no without feeling too guilty.

    I can say "no" to hubby or son if I know its not the best thing they are suggesting.

    I can never say "no" to those puppy dog eyes of Koda when he follows me into the kitchen and expects a snack :)

    betty

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    1. We have a 13 year old maltese fur ball. He is not subtle about letting us know what his wishes are. No puppy dog eyes from him. He talks. I can identify the tones of his barks. If he wants a treat he just asks :)

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  2. Good for you for breaking into a group that's been together for 10 years. I would probably have been a little reluctant to do this as well. I hope it turns out to be something you really enjoy. I think it is nice that this lady took you under her wing, but the multiple invitations, so quick do seem a little much. Keep us posted!

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    1. It’s interesting the woman runs hot and cold. At the next meeting she barely spoke to me. But I understand that is just her personality. Or perhaps she picked up on my hesitation to be best buds.

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  3. No has gotten easier the longer I've substituted. A good vague, "I'm not sure," or "I'll have to think about it," work great elsewhere.

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    1. Yes, I would imagine teaching teenagers would require a firm voice and a no-nonsense No!

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  4. :-) It's obvious you're honest. My favorite line is "I'm sorry but I have plans." If that means rearranging my sock drawer, than so be it. Sometimes we need our alone time.

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    1. That’s very funny. You’re right I can always have some kind of plan and besides sock rearranging can be very therapeutic.

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  5. No! is not a word I have trouble saying. Thank Goodness cause I can't take on anything else. That lady would have put me off as well. Sounds too needy to me

    http://smidgensbitsandsnippets.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yes, after visiting your blog, I know that you do have enough on your plate. People who come on too strong can either just be very friendly or as you said too needy.

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  6. Great job on going to the knitting group. I'm finally learning to say "no" to things. I'm a people-pleaser, and I feel like I'm letting them down.

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    1. Thanks. I completely understand about the people-pleasing need.

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  7. Having been through four daughters, I just say, "No." Your lady might be like me, with a li'l touch of dysthymia (chronic, low-grade depression). When she isn't feeling the grind, it's such a relief it's euphoric; when it's on her, all she can do is maintain basic functioning. You did well, taking tea but backing off of being instant besties. If the two of you are going to be true friends, that will grow slowly, as it should, and it'll mean more to both of you than a brittle whirlwind connection (how's that for mixed metaphors?). I'm a knitter, too! Wanna go to the mall? ;)

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    1. Thank you for your insight. I didn’t think about that particular explanation for the lady’s behavior. And thank you for understanding how I felt too. I happy to meet another knitter. I”ll have to get back to you about the mall date. :)

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  8. Nice that you're linking back to A to Z. Not everyone does :-)

    Thanks for the visit today!

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    1. Your welcome. I am learning from your posts!

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  9. Though I have gotten much better in recent years, I am still working on the how to say "no" thing (like you, I am not comfortable outright making something up). It's kind of ironic, or something, that part of the reason I have gotten better at it is that there are several people in my life who "refuse" to take a vague or polite "no" for an answer. For instance, one person when told that I can't do something because I'm busy or have other plans, will ask what the plans are, ask if I can change them, offer to change the event she's asking me to participate in and on and on and on. After many go-rounds such as that, I finally just found the courage to say a firm and direct "no" to things I did not want to do with her. Of course, then she wants to know why not and I have learned (slowly) to be blunt in the most compassionate possible ways...It's been a learning process--let's hope for both of us--for sure. :)

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