Wednesday, February 20, 2013


These long cold winter days provide me with much time for reflection.  I ponder, I worry, I think. I philosophize, empathize and hypothesize.   My thoughts bounce around like a silver pin ball. My game is off, though. I  hardly ever score  the "ah ha" jackpot. I mostly wind up in the deep dark "huh?" crevices instead.  
I toy with the notion that in the end all will be revealed.  The more I think about that fanciful  idea, the more I am leaning towards...mmm, maybe I don't wanna know, you know?
I tend to think that most humans, and maybe my dog Rico, find comfort in the hope that the time we spend "here" is a preparatory venue for the big show.  You know, visions of puffy clouds, and pearly gates and the biggest family reunion ever!
Another theory is that the time spent "here" is an ongoing, grueling SAT exam.  You don't pass the test, you don't get in.
There are the Judgement Day-ers. (JDer)  If you had any exposure, what so ever, to any kind of organized religion, chances are, you are a JDer.  You will go through life, expecting that somehow, somewhere, someone is logging and recording your every thought, deed, and action into a dusty old parchment journal. You spend your time worrying about that "just one time" when you shouldn't have.  Or how about that other time when you should have. You wait in a forever line of those who came before you. Will you live up to their standards or will you have been dragged down by them?

Of course, of course, as I write this, I believe I have just hit the "ah ha" jackpot. Ding! Ding! That dusty old parchment journal is the one I keep.  I  am my own harsh judge.  My judgement day is everyday.
Lately I have been experimenting with the idea that it might, in fact, be more of a relief to know that when the pin ball no longer bounces, and the lights no longer flash, the final jackpot might, indeed, just be the peace of nothingness.
Although, that idea of the biggest family re-union ever...well,  that would be worth a least a million jackpot points, for sure.


  1. Maybe it's because I have had that exposure to organized religion, more than I ever wanted, needed or hung onto, that I do profoundly believe in the "peace of nothingness..." Frequently I worry about expressing this perspective, for fear of offending others. I think each of us has to figure out what works, and go with it. Thanks for broaching the subject, Lynda!

  2. I think about a lot of things but not so much this. In this moment, I am inclined to say I just don't care. I just want to find a place where I feel okay. That's all.