Some of it will be filled with hum drum. Okay probably most of it will be that. But I know that when I begin to meander and wander down the pathways of my mind, recalling what my week was like, my thoughts will most likely reveal feelings which I have been relegating to my inner sanctum.
Yesterday, Father’s Day.
My own father passed away over 20+ years ago. He was quite a character and I could write reams about him. He may not have been the perfect father, but I know he loved me, the only way he knew how.
My son and my son-in-law are great dads.
I was a little upset for my son, whose boys were not with him yesterday. But they will be coming in a few days to spend part of the summer with him. We are all excited and are looking forward to their visit.
Ross was thrilled when he received a text from Bella wishing him a “Happy Father’s Day, Pop-Pop.”
I know how much that meant to him.
I mostly now hold my grief over the loss of Joe close and deep in my heart. I don’t write about it as much. I am quiet. It is always with me though.
I struggle a little more with my emotions on each one of the special days that are traditionally celebrated during the year.
This yesterday’s Father’s day I was filled with anger because my grandson did not have his dad. From the moment of Domani’s birth, Joe was instantly a father. He loved that boy so much. I am sad that I only had a brief time to see my son with his son. He was so proud of his little guy.
I still have difficulty with acceptance. I am confused and filled with disbelief. I shake my head back and forth in a silent gesture of no, no, no.
Sometimes it is so hard to reconcile the joy I feel for my other children and grandchildren with my melancholy.
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends posted that someone asked him why he hated Father’s day so much. Only a person who has never suffered the loss of a child would be insensitive enough to ask that question.
So today’s post wasn’t so hum drum or newsy but I did stretch my soul.